i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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