my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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