I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I deserve this hangover.
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