I look better un-naked...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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