I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
