if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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