I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
