So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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