Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
