he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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