doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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