You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
