i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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