My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
