Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
