whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
