My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
