I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
