This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
