My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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