I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I want her autograph on my taint
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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