hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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