Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
