checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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