I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
