lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
