Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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