one word: firstdatebathroomanal
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
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