Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
