wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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