Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
