maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
