You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
