I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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