i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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