If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
