She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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