im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
