would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
my phone needs a breathalizer
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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