Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
