I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
