there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
