So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
