Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
