his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
