I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
