So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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