she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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