There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
