Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
