so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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