What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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