I got chris browned last night
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Randomize
