My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
