Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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