Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
