My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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