omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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