Betty ford says i'm here all night
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
