The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
