I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
