So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
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