Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
