Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
