i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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