you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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