you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
