I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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