You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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