he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
