Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize