Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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