We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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