im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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