How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
