did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
