WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
