i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
