he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
