i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
