all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
