tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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