We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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