I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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