His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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