My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
