R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Plan B is the new Plan A
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
