so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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