He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Fuck appropriateness.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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