he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
