all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
