I want you more than these girls want KFC
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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