Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize