We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
