Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
