matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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