i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize